1. don't love and don't care.
2. kinda love, but still selfishly hold on to your heart.
3. Love with EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!!!!
Love is a choice, and picking #3 is scary sometimes. What if, what if, what if????
I used to struggle with living IN the "what if's", which pretty much made me useless. It all comes from fear, and fear is NOT from the Lord. So living in the "what if's" to the point where it consumes you...well that is sin. There I said it. The S word.
Living in the "what if's" separated me from God. That's what sin is.
So I confided in a mentor. I shared with her that I struggled with being consumed with the "what if's". And she shared with me that she had been there herself and then she was challenged with this...
Philippians 4:8 "Finally brothers, Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think on these things."
So here's the deal. I started that day asking myself "is it true?" "is it pure?" NO?? Well then Amber WHY are you thinking about it? WHY is it consuming your thoughts?
So I gave over my thoughts to the Lord! I learned how to LOVE with out worry! So now it's SUPER EASY!!!
Uhhhh NOPE. Not super easy at all!
So I'll ask one more "what if" question. "what if it WAS super easy to love?"
Well then that would change a whole lot of stuff!
If true unselfish love was easy, then why would we need God?
Then Jesus's perfect unselfish act of love wouldn't have much value. It would have been easy for Him.
WE CAN'T TRULY LOVE WITHOUT CHRIST!
So right now I'm choosing something that is risky...I might get my heart broken...I might get attached to her. I might be disappointed in how this whole adoption thing plays out. What if, what if, what if??? ( here I go again with the what if's, darn it!)
I've had dreams about adopting a daughter from Asia for as long as I can remember.
When you've dreamed about something for so long, and now it's REAL. It's kinda freaking me out!
And there's where the "what if's" start sneaking in.
You might have heard how head over heals we have
So it was TOUGH to hear from our agency that having her placed with us will be a flat out miracle. It just is not looking like it's possible. Did I say tough? How about a punch in the gut. How about the feeling of your heart falling out of your chest. Yep, that's more like it.
And then there is Nate.
The eternal optimist...he always has been. Not one person that knows him would argue that.
I love that about him. He is continuously challenging me to let it go and let God have it.
But with her, I hear him call her *ours*. I see him tear up over her pictures.
I hear him pray for her. But he always closes his prayers with "your will Lord, not ours"
In everything thing we have heard, she won't be *ours*.
But let's go back to "whatever is true".
What I know is TRUE is that she is His. And we are His. And if HE wants us to be her forever family, the HE WILL and CAN make that happen!
So we continue to choose to love her with risk that she may never be in our arms.
And so there was the night after we heard it's just not looking like that will ever happen. Well, we had a rough night, lots of tears, lots of praying for peace.
And the next morning I woke up to my verse of the day which JUST SO HAPPENED to be...
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...think on these things." Phil 4:8
I smiled when I saw that was my verse of the day, I texted it to Nate. "Amen"
When I got home from work that day, I got on fb to see if her foster home had posted any pics of the precious kids that day.
I pulled up their page.
And this was the pic that was posted. And yes, that's HER (sorry, not showing full pics of her face)
Enough said.
~Amber
http://adopttogether.org/therohrers
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