Tuesday, January 21, 2014

THE Call !!!!!

Sometimes calls are expected.
Often calls are unexpected.
It can be scary when calls are intimidating...
 When they lead you to something bigger than you ever thought you could do...
that is a VERY GOOD CALL.
Is it all about answering the call at just the right time?
Maybe a bit.
Although, I think we miss out on something amazing if we push the call away until later,
when it's more convenient.
Sometimes we are really quite sure the call is for someone else, surely not me.
I know you've heard it...
"we've been called to adopt"
"we've been called to foster"
It's funny.
I don't know that is what we "heard".
A call.  THE call.
I know for me, it was a 'desire of my heart'.
To adopt.
And because my heart is sold out to Jesus my Lord,
I hung on to the verse,
Psalms 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires."
I will be honest, that verse was hard to hold on to when before God gave us healthy children, He allowed for us to go through loss. That sure wasn't my desire.
But I clung to Him, still trusted Him, trusted His plan for our family, no matter what it looked like, no matter what His timing might be.
Back to that call.
For me, it was a given.  I knew that one day, in His perfect time, we would adopt.
The need was and is SO GREAT! 
We will open our hearts and home to whomever He had planned.
Our home, our marriage does not have me at the head of it.
Nate had a slower journey.
But when the time was right, and when He broke his heart, He did it BIG TIME!!!
SO we knew we needed to foster locally.
And you can read below how He brought into our home our little peanut.
We are so in love with her!!!
You probably already know that over a year ago, He made it clear to Nate
that there is a little girl
on the other side of the world
She was waiting for her forever family to answer that call.
She was waiting for her forever family to NOT WAIT any longer.
They needed to hurry up.
A year ago, we didn't know that our miracle girl was still recovering from her recent
heart surgery.
But she has a unseen heart that still needs to be healed.
He asked us to be a part of that healing.
We knew of her over a year ago!!!! 
We prayed for her and the little one that we call her BFF, that we sponsor.
We were broken!
I have pictures from over a year ago saved on my phone!
At times it was hard to tell the two of them apart!
We prayed for their forever families.
We prayed for our daughter....whoever she was.
We prayed that she might know love.
We prayed that she would learn to bond.
We prayed that her medical needs would be cared for.
We prayed for our Tessa Joy!!!
It was clear to us many months ago that both girls were not ready (by paper) to be adopted.
It took some time.
But I came to a place to let go.
Honestly, what we REALLY WANT, is for them to KNOW JESUS!
It's eternity that we want to spend with them!!!
We waited.
The call that we were now waiting for was gonna be THE CALL.
The call where they say
 "it's time! It's your time! Your daughter is ready! Do you want to see who she is?!"
I caught myself dreaming about it.
Sometimes I would call Nate and he would say
"Did they call?  Are you calling to tell me this is it?!"
Months and months
I've done that before.
Feels a lot like the months and months and months and months
of infertility.
On January 8th
I wanted to make a "checking in" call to our agency
Not that it makes things go any faster.
It is what it is.
Electronically when our special needs list that we submitted AND our wanted age AND girl
comes up matched, it's the next family chronologically that will get the call.
Read that again if you need to.
Its in a computer data base.  Electronic. ( I will go back to this in a minute)
That morning, the call I made to see how it was going, well it didn't go so well 
(from my perspective at that moment)
I was told 2-3 more months is very possible.
It's just the way it's going right now.
ALOT OF BOYS (could that be your son waiting?)
But it is just going to depend what files we get in, it changes everyday sometimes.
I just wanted to know who our daughter was!!!
2-3 MORE MONTHS???!!!
I called a couple friends who had asked if I had any update.
Both friends were so encouraging.
BOTH friends challenged me, THAT DAY, to ASK GOD FOR BIG THINGS!!!
THE DAY BEFORE a friend posted on FB...
"When you believe BIG - He answers BIG"
(well that was timely)
That same friend posted this day Proverbs 3:5&6....TRUST HIM!!
then a couple hours later.. she posted "God is AWESOMELY faithful! Stay faithful and
watch your dreams come true!"
Well that sounds a whole lot like  Psalms 37:4....Hmmmm.
This was all happening.
One of my sweet friends challenged me
Just about an hour after I had called our agency...
that I got the stinky news or more waiting...
she said to me...
"Have you asked about AnnaRose recently? ASK!!!"
I heard this answer once already.
I knew that is was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
that they would know anything about her.
So for me to contact them right back
well it was kinda nuts for me to do that.
the peace that over took my heart
I can't really explain
At the time
I thought it was just a numb feeling
to get me ready for the "we know nothing"
So I sent a one line email.
I knew it was a shot in the dark.
But I had to check on that closed door.
Was it REALLY closed?
After I hit send, that peace was still there...this was real peace that it's so out of my hands.
It always has been!!!  Out of my hands, and COMPLETELY IN HIS!!!
That's what this CALL DOES!
It empties out your heart and lets him totally take over!!!
So my day went on...
Loving on our 5.
Thinking quietly about our 6th.
About 4:00 ish
Just 5 hours after I talked with our agency...
I got a call from them.
I'm sure it's about my crazy email.
I was ready to apologize for asking.
But her words quickly trumped mine.
"Amber, I know we JUST talked this morning...and I know I told you 2-3 more months..."
Um yea...I remember that part clearly
"do you have a minute to talk?"
Yep.  Again I was about to apologize...
"well I'm just going to say it, Amber you have a file that has been matched to you!"
"this is a little girl who will soon turn 2, and her special needs match what you have on your list, and YOU AND NATE WERE THE NEXT IN LINE!"
What???  Ok, at this point I didn't really know what to say!
I just spoke to her hours earlier and it was looking like
2-3 more MONTHS!!!!
We seem to have skipped months,
we seemed to have skipped weeks,
we seemed to have skipped days.
well alright then!
How funny, it's not at all like I thought it would be (the part where you see their number come up and year heart skips a beat)
But this was IT!!
Then she said...
"Amber....are you sitting down?"
I am now!!!
"you know that email you sent me this morning"
Oh yea...that crazy email
"well you are not going to believe this....and I'm still shocked... but guess who's file you have been matched with?"
(ok, remember that electronic part I mentioned above?  That database matching via queries, well THAT is how we were matched!!!!!)
"Amber this file is AnnaRose's!"
Words were gone.
There were only tears.
I know that our agency uses a computer to match up their incoming files of children ready with the families in their system.
But it wasn't a COMPUTER SYSTEM that matched our daughter to us that day.
And you know what?
That I know!
So moments later
we received THE email
it made it real
There she was
We are still all in awe.
It's still hard to understand this is real.
She is our daughter!!
And HE KNEW all along!!!!!
He chose us for her.
He chose her for us.
And all we really want...still... is for her to come to know Him.
Thank you for joining us in our journey to bring Tessa Joy home.
We are so honored to have join us in praying her home!