Wednesday, March 25, 2009

my $200 pedicure...oops

As most things do, my impromtu pedicure with close friends started out so innocently. Can I just tell you that this is my SECOND pedicure of my life! How sad is that! Now I know why...

I can't say that I didn't enjoy it, in fact there were moments of pure bliss. The massage chair was amazing, the pounding, kneading and beating were heavenly; not so much the shaking (I'll tell ya why in a moment).

The sweet girls ( and one guy) who work there were smily and kind. Even though I'm convinced that they do talk to each other in their beautiful soft spoken language about how nasty this lady's feet are and how they wish they could wear a mask, but adding one on now might look suspicious. So they might be encouraging each other to press on as they shave away the dead skin, and just breath through your mouth. No really, my feet were *that* dry...but I do have to say they weren't stinky. I did make it a point to take a foot bath before I went. I had to shave my negleted hairy legs ( sorry Nate). I would hate for the sweet girl to have to deal with the jungle and have her hands overly exfoliated because I haven't shaved my legs for 3 days (okay, more like 6-ish). Seeing that this was only my 2nd pedi, I hadn't remembered that they do wear latex gloves. However if I would have forgo-ed (btw, why does Chris Harrison ALWAYS use that word on his note about the fantasy suite? always!) my weekly shave and left my legs as-is, I believe she would have had to upgrade to the garden gloves, maybe even the Roofing Glove.

Ok so onto the pedi it's self... it was 4 of us together, a GNO (as HM would sing/say). We each upgraded to the SIGNATURE PEDI...nice. Some of us also opted to add on a $3 fee to have them shave off the dead skin...SCARY! With this procedure there are extra tools invloved, some are a heavier version of an emery board and then there was what was used on Jan's feet. Basically it was a hand held cheese grader...any Fresh Parmesan Cheese with your Salad??? When the girl SHOWS you the skin that she has removed from your know it's a big deal.

I'm pretty sure there is a chart in the back room there, a dead skin chart. She was quite proud of herself, I belived the manager had to verify the official amount before it was charted, I think I saw him glance over for the acknowledgement nod.

During this procedure there is a level of torture that is going on as well. Lori was losing it as the ticklish spots were shown some attention. She had the one guy working there and he had us in funny!!! When my girl got out the heavy duty emery board I know felt what Lori was feeling, it was about sending me out of my chair!!! Seriously, this was a form of was a combination of pain, pleasure and MORE PAIN!

Here's the thing, I have a *BAD* foot, ok, more like a *BAD SIDE OF MY BODY* left side. I have a missing sinus cavity on that side, I believe that ear is lower than the other, a closed, minimal knee cartilage and then my thing of BAD foot! My skin is HORID, cracked, broken open (now I'm being reminded of that detail) and my big toe is only connected at the base (it's been previously removed). So there ya go, fun facts about Amber you wish you didn't now know.

As she is getting herself stablized on her low rolling stool ( I think she had to lock in the wheels at this point) she dove into my DEATHLY DRY heel. She moved her way up to my big toe. At this point the flinching and the face squinching that I was trying to hide was noticed by Jan's girl. She asked me if it was hurting...with a smile on my face I tried to be brave but she quickly said something to my girl which made her stop and look up. I don't want to make her feel bad, I mean I had a feeling she had already been discouraged because she was now behind on the *Dead Skin Chart*...if only she had her own cheese grader!

Well it was too late, the pain was there, the skin was broken open and geez was it BURNING!!! I kept telling her it was ok, but really I was wondering if they offered an epidural at any time during this part. I guess not, so I jacked up the massage chair to distract me. Liz informed me that the chair might be too much , maybe I should just look up at the beautiful clouds that were painted on the ceiling and listen to the Karen Carpender song that was playing for us. I believe Lori's guy said he had requested it for us. DOES HE THINK WE ARE THAT OLD???!! So much for his tip!

Suckered into a another added on fee, I had my girl paint a little flower on my big toes. It's cute, a nice visual reminder of the pain I am STILL feeling as I have my left foot lathered in Neosporin and in a sock. It hurts to walk!!!

But here's the kicker of my SIGNATURE Pedicure adventure...just after I got settle into my stinkn' hot foot bath, figured out the remote for the massage chair ( do I want pounding, kneading, rolling, twisting or turning... on my legs, lumbar, middle back or shoulders...GEEZ TOO MANY OPTIONS HERE!) worked, I gently placed my cell phone in my lap.

Oh yea, you can figure this next part out. Since I choose the Medley Message, the pounding, kneading, rolling, twisting, turning and shaking and shimmy-ing came ALL AT ONCE. The girations send my phone into a nose dive for the scalding foot bath...KER-PLUNK!!!! I just starred at it as it hit the bottom. If I dove in after it, the skin of my hands might have melted off. It was a quick moment that seemed like minutes as my sweet girl took the risk to set her own life aside and go in after it. She had a moment with it, rubbing it, trying to stimulate life. But it was too late, the damage was done. It gave one last vibrate and gave up.

So there it was...that was the BEGINNING of my SIGNATURE Pedi, I should have known this wasn't going to be cheap. I'm off to the phone store with my $2.50 Old Navy flip flops on showing off my little flower, hopefully my left foot will stay in, all this Neosporin makes this quite slippery...I can see it adventure to the phone store...

Who's idea was this anyway??? :)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Never a dull moment...

***DISCAIMER...for those who haven't read my old posts...I don't care much about my spelling, I WILL have errors and large run-on sentences. So read on, and love me anyway***

God knew I needed girls before the boys came along...easing me into this parenting challenge, thank you Lord. When my girls were the boys' ages ( 5 & 3) life was simple, easy, loving. They loved being with each other played for hours on end with never a arguement. They would giggle in the other room, and I knew that there was nothing to worry about. They just didn't get into trouble. I think ONCE Madelyn may have unrolled the entire roll of t.p. That was the extent of her mischievous behavior. And she would never dream of trying it again, too risky.

Now jump forward 5 years ( wow alot has happened in 5 years), and here were are knee deep in TESTOSTERONE! Logan and Clayton can't keep their hands off of each other, and no it's not for hugs or tickling. They MUST wrestle, they MUST tag, they MUST push, they MUST grap each other's clothes as they run by each other and as one falls, they MUST laugh. You can see it in their eyes, it's in their blood, something deep with in them is driving this behavior.

So my full-time job is keeping them ALIVE. I have heard the screams from the other room, and there are some screams you just have to run to. Only to find Logan in a half-nelson ( my Dad used to coach wrestling) with Clayton's face smashed into the carpet and someone I believe gets close to losing conscienceness with most of the take-downs.

So here's the thing, I don't have brothers, this is not normal behavior to me. But there are times that something inside me says "just let them do it" WHAT??? let them do it? Is this right? Seriously, I want them to survive each other!

So here's what they have come up with lately ( again, things the girls would have never thought of or attempted)

**** Logan has been found to be standing up on a high stool that he has quietly carried in to the bathroom, PEEING !!!! (btw, the sound is quite loud from that distance which is why I thought I better go see what is going on in there)...sorry no pics of that one. You can visualize I'm sure.

**** Clayton recently was enjoying his fishy crackers and thought it would be fun to see if one could hang out of his nose...*look Momma*, and yes, I had to get a pic of it.

**** The mystery Coke Can issue is still under investigation...last week the kids' toilet was running, so I took the back tank lid off to act like I knew what to do. Low and behold...a Diet Lime Coke can was stuck in there blocking the thingy from closing down on the other thingy. Hmmm no one has yet to fess up on this one. Further interviewing is in process.

**** And here's another bathroon ordeal...why do boys have so many challenges revolving around the room itself, it's contents or what *should* be going ONLY in the bathroom. Anyway, my computer/craft room is located directly below their bathroom. The kids have discovered that when they are upstairs they can head into the bathroom and yell down into the vent when I am in my room working. It's the cheap-mans' version of the home intercom system. And yes, I yell back up to them, works pretty well actually. Well one day I was sewing and I could hear Clayton up in the bathroom in the sink *making soup* he calles it. This *cooking* CAN be harmless I'm sure for some, but most of the time when I yell up what are you doing and he responds *making soup!!!*, it's not ever a good thing. This particular time, he leaned down over the vent and I could hear that he took the vent off...then I heard him say * WANT SOME WATER MOMMA??!!!* , before I could answer back *no thanks* I heard the Niagra Falls coming my way. And so the Megga Slurpie Giant Gulp cup used in the bath was being poured down to me. My following response and bolt up the stairs really didn't do any good. It was done.

***Clayton today was doing something I felt was quite harmless in comparison. He found a little measuring cup for Logan's daily allergy meds. Clayton was licking all around the inside of it, I guess I feel like I need to pick my battles and I had to not make a big deal out of it *please go put that in the sink when your done *cleaning* that out for me Clayton*...*ok Momma*
We had a good 15-20 minutes of quiet time while he entertained himself with the medicine cup. I heard him slirping and sucking it in as the cup would *magically* stay on his mouth. Again, thinking this was cheap, harmless fun for him...quiet for me. Think again Amber...
So after lunch I was cleaning off his face, it just wasn't coming clean. As I looked closer at the purple lips he was sporting, I could see now that his entertainment had now providing a lasting memory. I giant self inflicted HICKEY all over his lips and mouth.
I quickly grabbed my camera, snapped a shot and sent it off to my sister who is a nurse. Just had to ask her if I should be concerned about this meaning he has a cardiac issue :) After hearing her gasp, I told her what he did...her response...* YOU CAN NOT TAKE HIM OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THAT!!!
Oh but I will, and not only that, I'm documenting yet another adventure that my boys take me a funny way, I'm loving this crazy ride, there is never a dull moment.

Here's Clayton displaying the results from his harmless afternoon entertainment, and of course the pic doesn't do it justice. It's SO BAD!
Logan has graced us with his presence at his fav place to eat pancakes ...Bob Bevins. Here's his creation ...a butter & syrup pancake sandwich. Super fun to clean up after!

Clayton showing us a fun place to put fishies...

Here are the girls...oh the drama they hold, I'll save their stories for another day....